by


Listening to John Maus again I would not think twice why my mind decided to wander the events of the previous year. September 2011 started off as me being timid, lack of courage and full of anxiety. Having moved across the Indian ocean after living mostly in my bedroom; in my own head, London to me seemed like such a tall, tall dream. Thoughts of my father ran across my mind often then, he was such a warm blanket and I had just lost that, I felt the most alone.

Living in a tiny space in Southeast London, 10 minutes from Peckham, that surely did not help. I was desperate to talk to someone, saw this girl in my building, she looked like a little magical creature with her long skirt and far-away eyes. I remember being slightly desperate and waiting for her after she was back from Sainsbury's : approached her gently and even pursuing to invite myself to a conversation with her. Not only have I not done such a thing before, I didn't even know how to properly talk to someone without having sweaty palms. But in the great need of companion, I did it. When humans are in survival mode, they can go to such great heights/such down lows. And? The verdict? Well, let's just say that night spent getting to know her was one of the most magical nights of my life, hours long talk on : music, feelings, films, the past, forever alone, a softer world, etc. Finally, hearing the creaky door shut as I enter my dorm room did not encapsulate sorrow no more, I was full of hope, and sometimes that can mean the world.

And on I went, taking on chances and chances and chances, and although it took a massive amount of courage, strength and the acception of rejection, it sure as hell was worth it. At times putting your heart out can lead to so much love, understanding and compassion in return. And that is what friendship means to me. The courage to show your true self, the courage to talk about painful things, the courage to show how much you care, to not be afraid to show : feelings, desire, hopes, passion, etc. To be a fiery burning passion.