it's july.
the wind softly blows, 9am.
at midday when the sun peaks, i can't think of anything.
5pm walk to the cemetery. there's moss on the forgotten tombstones.
15 minutes at 8pm for dinner preparation. 
by 10pm you slide slowly in my head.
12am, missing your touch.
i slip into dreams. 1am. time to see you.


still walking, still walking.

A song by The Books

Yes and no are just distinguished by
distinction, so we choose the in-between.
Give up your books and put an endto your worries. Enjoy central park in spring.

Our minds are empty, like we're too young
to know to smile.
We know to fear what others fear
is nonsense, right?

The books suggest we set our hearts
on doing nothing,
and then nothing's left undone.

Everybody's busy waiting for the go-ahead,
but by then their heads are gone.
Our minds are empty, grave as well as
strange. (Take this.)
We know to seek success is utter nonsense.The best is to be blank.

{Here we are. Here we are.
We are antici-there it is. There it is}

A Nick Drake kind of midnight.

It's getting colder, my jumpers are out and recurring.

So many shades of nature are out, I feel blessed to be in such a beautiful environment.

(The mistake is in living in the real world, I must go back to my own)

Last night I went to see Animal Collective in London.

I went there alone, but their spirit was always with me, and they performed so powerfully.

In my tiny seat by the corner I was happy, in motion, and absorbing all the feels.

When they performed My Girls I was almost flying.

The morning train back to the South was "light"

these two souls are a rare find, their music will always have a place in my heart.

tonight i was introduced to a little breathing exercise, to help cure anxiety.
i meditated with rainymood.com
i am tempted to seek aid from pharmaceutical medicine, but it seems the easy way out, & these words :

The rhymes will heal 'cause I believe in music
In times of need I won't be leaving you sick
The beat plus the melody's the recipe
Your vibe surely brings out the best in me
The rhymes will heal 'cause I believe in music
In times of need I won't be leaving you sick
The beat plus the melody's the recipe
All good souls lost may they rest in peace

And indeed, for me, music is truly healing.
I want to "seek the light" with the natural world; music, books, words that could move mountains, learning, nature, watching things grow, gaining independence and being responsible for a life (neko!), etc.

And when I see the light,
And when I see the light, 
What will it look like?
And when I see the light,
And when I see the light,
Will it be too bright?